ihavenoideaa:

This might not make any sense, but here goes nothing:

I have never been so confused in my whole life. I feel like a 3rd grader looking at an AP calculus test. I don’t know what I should do. It breaks my heart every time I have to think about the possibilities. Sure, you say that I should accept the fact that we might not last forever, but what if I want us to? What if I want to stay stranded in this fairytale I created in my head? I don’t want to think about how it’s possible that we may break up because of the distance between us. 7000+ miles is nothing. I know that if we both want this, we’ll make it work.

But I guess you don’t want it as bad as I do.

Cause I know for a fact that I would do anything and everything to make our relationship survive.

It sucks that you’re so fixed on the thought that we might have to break up and there’s only a slim chance of this pushing through if I don’t go back or you don’t move here.

Call me caught up in this “Fairytale”, as you once said. But I cannot accept that thought that you have in mind.

I want us to be together. I guess you want something else. I remember you promising that we’ll be together forever. What happened to that promise? I didn’t think forever would have an end. You’re killing me. If you’re planning to do it, just do it. Don’t try to prolong the agony. Just put your finger on the trigger and fire away.

I love you. Always have, always will.

via ihavenoideaa

#9

It was Valentines Day 2009, the first ever we would spend together. Knowing you would probably forget, I reminded you so that I wouldn’t be disappointed.

(You have no idea how much it hurts to write this but I must. Before I turn the memories bitter or crush them into dust.)

I dresses up because you had cooked up a feast being the chef you are. When I finally came over it was just… So nice. It was overwhelming that you cooked such a spread. It was incredible.

I was lucky wasn’t I?

And then you telling me the flowers were late and being angry they weren’t here yet. You and your bald head. Then I really did believe you loved ne. But you know what happened to us. It couldn’t last. No matter how many sweet things you did. Even though I really did appreciate them. Every single piece of me hurt inside whenever we would quarrel about virtually nothing. We stopped living and you were the first to see that.

It wouldn’t be far of to even say… We only loved the memories after time. Everything new couldn’t make you stay. Because I was just discontent.

It’s so sad I can’t convince myself earlier. Why did I convince you to break yourself?

I should stop asking why and just accept that this live has reached it’s expiry date. It’s no use to look at it again.

And really when I think that way I realize I knew what made me so resistant to staying.

I knew that once I recovered I would never want to be with you again. Once I kicked myself away I wouldn’t have the courage to come back.

I wanted to stay and work it put so bad because once we were over and my heart was settled after dealing with the pain, I would never be able to go back. I knew I was stubborn and you too.

It was really going to be over once I accepted it. That was why I didn’t want to go.

I’ll be ok. The truth hurts. But cliched as it is, the truth set me free.

Kenny and Carrie

We broke up. This is so heartbreaking to the point I just want to hole up and die.

The fact was both of us tried so hard to the point love is not enough. He doesn’t love me as much as before. That really hurts.

There are two sides of the coin. And when you’ve flipped it over again and again… The story that emerges just breaks your heart.

There’s no right or wrong. No who loved more. Just two stories to tell one. Two stories of trying and giving up.

This is a painful lesson for young romantic dreamers. A lesson for an idealistic girl like me.

Love doesn’t move all mountains, love doesn’t part seas, love isn’t always enough.

Love is just an experience. Nothing more. When it’s over there’s nothing more to feel, move on.

But I’m still a dreamer. I’m still in hope and thus I am prolonging my own pain.

I need to go.

Rachie & Caesar

Rachie and Caesar broke up.

And this time there seems to be a certain finality in it.